It's the Original Character Questionnaire, as snagged from
!1) How Old Are You?
Michelle: Me too.
Jocelyn: That depends on which of my IDs you look at.2) Height?
Joel: Around 5' 7", I think?
Aaron: You think? You're not sure?
Joel: I haven't bothered to check in a while! Not knowing my exact height isn't really something that keeps me up nights.3) You Got Any Bad Habits?
Aaron: Only that I love too much.
Joel: Oh, shut the fuck up, Aaron.
Michelle: I get so engrossed in my work, I tend to forget what time it is.
Steve: I have trouble sticking to a project. I still haven't finished memorizing the entire screenplay from Iron Man 2
Jocelyn: I live with my parents. That's a habit I'd like to fucking break.4) You a virgin?
Steve: I'm sorry, those records are permanently sealed.
Michelle: Yes, I am, and I don't think that's shameful at all!
Aaron: Um... (mumbles something noncommittal into his hand)5) Who's your Mate/Spouse?
Michelle: This one right here!
Joel: Hee hee!
Steve: The endlessly hot babe standing to my immediate left.
Jocelyn: You know just what I wanna hear.
Aaron: Nobody yet - but ladies, it could be you!
Jocelyn: No girl wants to compete with your Mila Kunis poster, Aaron.6) Have Any Kids?
Jocelyn: If I ever do, I'm adopting a ten-year-old who already knows how to fucking behave.
Michelle: I like the idea, but yeah, if my kid turns out anything like Jenny, I wouldn't be an especially happy camper.
Joel: I think I'd make a good parent. All I have to do is the complete opposite of everything Homer Simpson does.7) Favorite Food?
Aaron: Anything prepared in under two minutes.8) Favorite Ice Cream flavor?
Jocelyn: Caramel cone is the shit.
Joel: Cookie dough, no question.
Steve: So how come they tell you on the Toll House package not to eat raw cookie dough, but apparently it's okay to put it in ice cream?9) Killed anyone?
Joel: I hit a pigeon with my car once, does that count?
Jocelyn: I can think of several people I'd like
to kill. Or at the very least, just watch them die. Very very slowly...10) Hate anyone?
Michelle: I don't like hatred, it's so detrimental to society as a whole. That being said, Christopher Paolini and Stephenie Meyer.
Jocelyn: Let's see...my parents, fuckin' Lindsay, that ass who tried to hit on me at Starbucks, the kid who flushed my piercings down the toilet, Mitt Romney...
Steve: I have a love-hate relationship with George Lucas.11) Any Secrets?
Steve: I organized the Kennedy assassination. There, I said it. I can sleep so much easier now.
Aaron: Well, I guess my Diana Agron/Ashley Tisdale fantasies aren't so secret anymore...12) Love Anyone?
Aaron: Here it goes...13) TACOS?
Jocelyn: Fuck. Yes.
Steve: Fuck Taco Bell, though.
Aaron: Are you crazy? Taco Bell is the shit.
Steve: Taco Bell is fuckin' nasty, dude. I don't know what that shit is, but it ain't meat.
Aaron: Shut up...14) Ever slept in All day?
Michelle: No way! I hate that feeling of waking up at night and knowing that you just wasted the whole day.
Joel: Ugh, me too. I got shit I need to get done!
Steve: I slept through A.I. Artificial Intelligence
. That was about six weeks long.15) Eye colors?
Joel: Boring ol' brown.
Michelle: Hey! My eyes are brown too!
Joel: Yeah, but they're beautiful brown, not boring brown.
Jocelyn: Green. I think they really stand out against the purple.16) Skin?
Michelle: Kinda brownish, I guess. That Singaporean brown, what would you call that?
Joel: I call it hot.17) Fat/Average/Slim?
Aaron: Anything but average! This is fucking ripped
, boy! I got to check these guns at the door!
Jocelyn: Dipshit, I could fit a Silly Band around your fucking waist.18) Rain, sunshine?
Joel: Anything that's not snow.
Michelle: Oh my God, don't ever come to Minnesota. You'll never see grass between November and April.19) Pool, Beach?
Michelle: Pool! No question! Just as long as I'm not the one checking the pH every morning.
Jocelyn: Hmm, tough one. Pools are cleaner, but the ocean's so much bigger and full of life.
Steve: As long as there's water, though, you'll be satisfied, right?
Jocelyn: You better believe it, buddy.20) Camping, staying home?
Jocelyn: With my family? Let them go camping and I'll stay the fuck home.
Aaron: Closest we've ever come to camping was Woodstock '94. And between the mud fights and getting Green Day's autograph, I think it evened out to about neutral.21) Dog, Cat?
Joel: I like cats. That's why I took in Tom Servo. 'Course, he almost always lurks in the basement these days.
Aaron: I keep forgetting you have that fucking cat. That's how little I see him.
Michelle: I love dogs! I just wish Punkin did anything interesting, aside from chewing the arm of the couch.22) Believe in aliens?
Steve: Hell yes. They're everywhere, you know. How else do you explain Snooki or Lady Gaga?
Jocelyn: I keep hoping my parents will turn out to be aliens. It would explain a whole hell of a lot.23) Natural Born, or Clone?
Steve: I can only assume natural born, but the documents may have been faked.
Joel: You tried to clone yourself, remember?
Steve: Alas, my efforts were misguided. The technology yielded a less than satisfactory result that barely resembled a human organism and Mr. Tucker gave me a D-.24) Car or Ship..?
Steve: Skateboard. Or light cycle.
Joel: If my car could go more than a fucking month without falling apart, I'd go with car, sure.25) Ever destroyed something out of Blind Rage?
Aaron: I burned my Motley Crue albums when Pamela Anderson married Tommy Lee. Had I known they'd split up, I might have slept on it.
Jocelyn: I break a lot of shit. There was that one time at Menards when I ripped out that speaker 'cause I was just so fucking sick
of that Titanic song...
Steve: That was a fun week.
Michelle: Not out of rage, but I did make sure to microwave Watkins' hard copy so he can never come back again.26) Any Unusual Things about you?
Michelle: Aside from the extra-large bra sizes I need to shop for? I don't think so.
Joel: If that's unusual, babe, don't ever be usual!
Steve: Every time I think so, another one of my niche interests goes mainstream. All these Hot Topic kids walking around with Watchmen and Scott Pilgrim stuff - well, I read all this shit before it was cool, okay?
Jocelyn: I love being unusual. Beats the fuck out of the alternative.27) How much food/drink do you need a day?
Joel: However much microwavable shit my mom can fit in the freezer.28) Favorite Place?
Joel: The garage, where I can rock the fuck out.
Michelle: My bedroom, away from Jenny and other distractions.
Aaron: The Mall of America. So many fine ladies...
Steve: Tatooine. Followed closely by Jocelyn's bedroom.
Jocelyn: Anywhere my family isn't.29) Anything you would like to say before we end this?
Joel: I hope I die before I turn into Pete Townshend.
Michelle: Never be afraid to ask questions.
Steve: Keep circulating the tapes.
Jocelyn: Think. It's not illegal yet.
Aaron: 952-949-4094. Text me, ladies.