This page of Forever 16 is brought to you by McDonald’s! You deserve a break today…but your colon deserves something better.
When I was a kid, I was fascinated with fast food restaurants. (I was also fascinated with Goosebumps books and Pogs, so obviously my standards for greatness weren’t that high.) I saw the local McDonald’s as this amazing mecca where the food came with free toys, there was a huge playground on the premises, and the ketchup came out of this cool little pump like they’d tapped a goddamn underground condiment well. Everything was custom-built to distract me from the fact that the burgers tasted like Styrofoam and elephant skin.